In the political reality of today’s America, you have to try and savor joy wherever you can find it. Fortunately for those people who stay informed, the Trump administration is a constant source of humor … provided you get tickled by things that are “funny because they herald the end of our society.” And no member of the Trump team is as hi-LAR-ious as it’s mouthpiece, Press Secretary Sean Spicer, a man so laughably bad at his job that every single source in the article to follow was published since he took office less than two months ago. Late night talk show host Stephen Colbert once called Spicey, “the MC Escher of bullsh*t.” That might be a little generous considering that MC Escher was an artist and Sean Spicer is so bad at his job that it’s almost like he’s working for the other team.
WHEN YOU CAN’T RELY ON NOTES OR HATRED, GO WITH RACISM!
On Saturday afternoon, March 11, Sean Spicer was confronted at a DC-area Apple store by an (understandably) irate Indian-American woman named Shree Chauhan. Chauhan lived out every liberal American’s dream, asking the Press Secretary a series of blunt questions. How does it feel to work for a fascist? Have you helped with the Russia stuff? Are you a criminal as well? Have you committed treason, too, just like the president?” In response, Spicer smiled at Chauhan and said, “Such a great country that allows you to be here.”
HE REALLY, REALLY HATES DIPPIN’ DOTS
Over the course of seven years, Sean Spicer has used his Twitter account to wage a one-man war against Dippin’ Dots, the minuscule freeze-dried ice cream balls that come in a variety of colors, but only one flavor. Not sure what it’s called, but it’s what “holy crap, why did I put dry ice directly on my tongue!” tastes like. Perhaps because he made the mistake of shelling out six bucks at a ball game for the inedible frozen concoction, the Press Secretary has taken it upon himself to inform the public on several occasions, that Dippin’ Dots — which bills itself as the ice cream of the future — is definitely NOT from the future. Just know, people, that they are not shipping the stuff back from the future via time machine, regardless of what their slogan says.
HE REALLY STEERS INTO THAT SNL MOCKERY
Maybe because Sean Spicer doesn’t fully understand the concept of a joke, he’s been doing his best to feed new material to SNL and Melissa McCarthy, a performer Spicer presumably refers to as, “that lively documentarian.” On the announcement of the wildly unpopular American Health Care Act, Spicer — like his sketch comedy counterpart — used a visual aid to prove why this new legislation was fantastic. Of course, his point amounted to: less reading good, more reading bad. That might not sound like a good selling point. You know, because the AHCA will cost the country billions of dollars to implement while simultaneously denying health care to millions of people. However, when you consider the folks who voted for Trump really do hate their books, using SNL-style visual aids might actually work to Spicey’s benefit.
1 of 4